Help! I need a Coach! TOO Much Conflict!
Are you feeling lost inside a chronic conflict situation?
When you are living with too much conflict, be it either chronic marital conflict or workplace squabbles, there is a price to pay in the peace of mind and general happiness level. Having a confrontation means a lot of stress, anxiety about the end results of painful conversations, and insecurity about our ability to maintain positive and nurturing relationships. There is only a way out and is to learn how to confront conflict in a more efficient way, which is not silencing the other side into compliance or ignoring our own unmet needs…Is reducing too much conflict to manageable incidents we can negotiate about. Conflict skills are a very positive addition to our basic set of life skills, very often lacking when we were growing up in this aspect of positive confrontation.
Conflict is a wonderful opportunity to discover what do we need and want. Each confrontation is a reenacting of a situation where basic questions are posed in order for us to select and define our own answers. They are:
- What is the outcome I want here — in results and response from the other side?
- What are my deep needs not solved now that demand a joint solution?
- What action steps do I need to reach my goals?
- What could prevent me from taking those steps?
- How can a coach help me see my situation from a different perspective and give me the information I can’t access inside myself?
- What kind of support could a coach give me that I can’t have by myself?
Self-reflective work given by your conflict coach helps you by gently pushing your focus on areas previously denied or ignored while offering new behaviors and solutions to be incorporated. Having a coach you will have a mirror to see your actions and the reactions they provoke in a new light, so you can make decisions about needed changes.
We subscribe to the International Coach Federation definition of Coaching as:
“The International Coach Federation adheres to a form of coaching that honors the client as the expert in his/her personal and/or professional life and believes that every client is creative, resourceful, and whole. Standing on this foundation, the coach’s responsibility is to:
- Discover, clarify and align with what the client wants to achieve
- Encourage client self-discovery
- Elicit client-generated solutions and strategies
- Hold the client as responsible and accountable